The Rules of Crosstalk can apply to any venue - a meeting or coffee with a friend or a group get together.
When telling a story about what is happening or has happened to have someone jump in to ask “clarifying” questions shows lack of interest and no trust.
Some people just want you to get to the point without the fluff - so they can ask their most important questions - to clarify (for them) on what you are trying to say.
A good thing to clarify. But frustrating for the speaker.
In most ACOA or Al-Anon meetings we do not cross-talk. This means we do not give each other direct advice. We do this for two reasons:
FIRST - When we were growing up no one listened to us or told us that our feelings were wrong.
SECOND - As adults it has always been easier for us to focus on other people’s problems, rather than take responsibility for ourselves.
We accept without comment, what others say because it is true for them.
We work toward taking responsibility for our own feelings, thoughts and actions instead of giving advice to others.
The Importance of Quiet and Courtesy
Our experience has taught us the Importance of absolute quiet during the entire meeting. This can mean the difference between a successful group and an unsuccessful one!
We have learned ·to be firm about not having any interruptions, comments, questions or undercurrents of talk while someone is speaking. In this way we extend to each speaker those courtesies we would like shown to ourselves. For each of us need a brief period of uninterrupted time in which to speak of what is in our heart to the rest of the group. If someone does ask a spontaneous question or make a comment, the Leader asks that it be kept until after the meeting.
More important, any time it's necessary, the Leader should remind the group of the urgent need for courtesy and quiet. In this way, we can proceed in an orderly manner without having the group go off on a tangent. Confusion and Cross-Discussion (or cross-talking) during the meetings serve only to emphasize our lack of self-discipline, whereas we find that orderly procedure and a definite format help us each week to organize our thoughts and actions along more constructive lines.
Crosstalk is always in our lives. Understanding that everyone has their way of processing what you are saying. There is no right or wrong way. If I want to learn, I need to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. For me a lesson and awareness to be learned daily.
Favorites:
Book(s) I’m reading this Month:
Man’s search for meaning - Viktor Frankl
The Lilac Girls - Martha Hall Kelley
Heaven’s Prisoners - James Lee Burke
TV:
Ray Romano - comedy special - Netflix
True Detective - HBO
Russian Doll - Netflix
Podcast:
The Daily (NY Times)
The Daily 202’s Big Idea
The Daily Beast
The Daily Poem
The Recovery Network
Quotes:
How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.~Paulo Coelho
We make a living by what we get.. We make a life by what we give. ~?
There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever. ~Mahatma Gandhi
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